Anxious and Eager

I started this blog for me.  I wanted a way to look back at this grand adventure.  Here I sit…only 3 nights away from starting my yoga teacher training and I am anxious when I sit quietly and examine how I feel.  I am nervous because I don’t like going out and meeting new people (I am quite the introvert) and starting new things.  I am grateful to be doing this with my mom (I AM my mommies girl) because it eases some of that tension, but on the other hand I have to be brave in this new endeavor.  I have to be louder and more open then I would prefer in most situations.  I know I can do it.  I worked at the Disney’s Jungle Cruise; a ride where the “Skipper” drives a boat  in a trough and tells corny jokes though speakers to a crowd of 40 captive audience members for 10 minutes straight.  So I can handle this.  Here is to being brave!  I am eager to learn, stretch, and grow.

My husband and I have started our P90 routine again.  Sculpt 1-2 wasn’t to miserable for me.  I did do it a few weeks ago and have been doing yoga nearly everyday for 2 months.  I have started to enjoy the pain of sore and worked muscles.  Those chemical reactions in the brain are nice.  It makes me want to do more.  And we will tonight.  We skipped last night (just P90, I did my yoga) and are going to do Sweat 1-2 tonight.

I am going to try and get some pictures up here tomorrow so you (and I in the future) have some (semi) before and after pictures so we can compare.  I have always been lean, but I would like to tone up.  🙂

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Au Revoir 2012

Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new calendar year, but everyday brings a new day.  I never make New Year’s Resolutions.  They seem silly to me.  Everyday is a chance to start anew.  So if you eat that piece of chocolate or don’t feel well enough to exercise, remember that you can start again tomorrow.  You don’t have to wait another year.

2012 was a great year for me.  I got married in April to the love of my life.  I can’t believe we have been married for 8 months already.  A day doesn’t go by that I am not thankful to have such a sweet and loving friend.

And with his love and support I have decided to take a huge step in my life in 2013 (and already):  Yoga Teacher Training.  I have dreamed for many years of taking this training and moving out of my current career (that was only supposed to be a temporary job).

I am even more lucky, because one of my other best friends; my mom, is taking this path with me.  We are having a great time riding in the car together practicing our Sanskrit as we drive to Tijuana Flats for our weekly taco on Tuesday nights. Oh, the laughing that goes on in that car.  🙂

Thank you 2012 for all that you have taught me and for allowing me to grow.  Thank you new friends and supporters I have found from this blog.  Your support means the world to me.  I hope everyone has a safe and joyful time tonight ushering in this new year.  2013 here I come!

P.S. While not a New Year’s Resolution, I did manage to skip my breakfast Coke this morning.  It did not bring about a headache or anything like that.  Yay!  Fingers crossed for tomorrow, but like I said above, if I slip up, I’ll just start again.

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Self-Study

Svadhyaya:  Self-Study

Today’s chapter in The Yamas & Niyamas was about self-study.  The author said we are all an awesome gift wrapped inside many boxes, like a Christmas joke (my mother-in-law likes to double wrap things).  Deep down inside we have “God” inside of us and the wrapping and outside boxes are the way we view others and the world around us because they are our history, learned behaviors.  She said what we don’t like in other people is really something we don’t like in ourselves.

I am reading the book fast so I will have read it before my class starts in 13 days.  I don’t have time to do the explorations one week at a time like the book wants.  It is more like a crash course for me.  With today’s chapter we are supposed to look at things that make us react (good or bad) and try to figure out which piece of our wrapping made us feel that way.  Then we can remove our ego or “I-ness” from things.

I was driving home today from the grocery store and a lady two cars in front of me hit her breaks and u-turned because she was going in the wrong direction or forgot something, I guess.  My initial reaction was, Ahhhh!!!!  Stupid bitch, made my groceries fly to the floor!  However, when I stepped back and really looked at the situation, I wasn’t mad at her at all.  Why would it effect me in the least that she had to turn around?  I was angry because I was driving to fast and too close to the car in front of me.  The lady hitting her breaks made me slam on mine.  That is not her fault.  It is mine.  And then the rage I had towards her melted away and I remembered to drive a little safer.

I think this way of thinking is going to slowly change my world.

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Tapas

Eek… 14 days to go and I am getting back into my yoga asanas.  I can’t believe how quickly time is flying.  I think it has been a week since the last time I did any postures.  I have been sick.  Boo.  I’m still coughing a little, but at least now I can sleep at night.  🙂  I restarted my yoga practice yesterday.  Good old Ali Mcgraw.  That is by far my favorite sequence still.  It stretches and works everything.

I read the chapter in The Yamas & Niyamas about Tapas today and that is fitting because I fought to stay in bow pose as long as I could.  That’s the one where you lay on your stomach, bend your knees so your shins are vertical then grab your ankles with your hands and lift your chest and head from the floor while raising your legs.  Basically, you look like a bow (as in bow and arrows).

Tapas:  Self-Discipline.  I think of myself as strong; strong-willed and physically stronger than most ladies I know (y’all excluded 😉 ).  But when a pose is difficult I normally crawl back into child’s pose and rest.  And that is ok…we aren’t supposed to hurt ourselves, but sometimes I am just being weak.  How much stronger could I be if I choose to stay in the fire, to feel the “burn”?

I am going to try hard to dedicate these next two weeks as a time for Tapas.  I would rather feel the burn now then to come crashing down in teacher training.  I don’t mean just in the poses either. I mean in making sure I practice everyday and try to set 10 or 15 minutes aside for meditation.

While I’m on it, maybe now would be a great time to give up my two a day Coke addiction.  I drink one for breakfast and one for dinner.  Hmmmm….the thought of not having a Coke in the morning is a little scary.  I think I’ll start slowly and just give up the one.  I don’t need any withdrawal headaches.  My addiction to caffeine is fairly strong.  I think my body would be better without all of that corn syrup, yuck!  And I don’t want diabetes which seems prevalent in my family.  I think I’ll buy some orange juice tonight that way I am set for the morning.

Is there anything you “love” but shouldn’t?  What would it take to make you give it up?

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Ahimsa- The Eluder

Ahimsa- Sanskrit for Nonviolence.  I’ve already written about you once, Mr. Nonviolence.  Why do you elude me so?

There is a shoe print about 6 feet up from the floor on my pale bedroom walls.  I put it there.  Not on accident either.  I ment it.  And that is the problem.

It isn’t there because I was doing a head stand.  I can do those without a wall now.  Yippie!  (I had a very very flexible and strong night last week, it was like a breakthrough.)

It was because I killed a damned spider.  I smashed it with my shoe.  I thought for a moment, “You shouldn’t kill that spider, Kelly.”  And then I bent over and took one of my sneakers off of the carpeted floor and smashed it hard into the spider.  It didn’t even seem dead enough, so I hit it one more time for good measure.  I wouldn’t want to leave it in pain, would I?

I didn’t kill a spider earlier today because of Ahimsa, but this was too much.  They say people even eat spiders in their sleep.  And I have certainly had one wake me up from sleep by crawling on my face.  I was not having that happen again.  Eeew.

I guess I will get a hang of this Ahimsa eventually or at least the spiders that reside in my house hope so.

P.S.  It was a very busy weekend with Christmas parties and Hobbit movies and now I have the “flu” (I don’t really know what I have, but it sucks).  So no yoga for me this week since last Thursday.  Ehhhh.  There goes my break through (I hope not).  I guess it is better to know I need rest and listen to my body.  That is the more yogi thing to do.

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Great Expectations

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

This quote is a similar quote to one in The Autobiography of a Yogi.  I am trying to keep it in mind when I get frustrated and annoyed with people.  It is a hard concept to really grab and use though.  They are right. . . I cannot be mad at my husband for not doing the dishes if I don’t expect him to do them, but there in lies the problem.  I really wanted him to do the dishes.

I could feel the anger boiling up in me.  My face stern as I washed those dishes.  He kept stopping what he was doing to see if I wanted him to wash the dishes.  Not now; 2 hours ago, before I got home from work would have been nice.  I nicely told him no thank you and that he could cook himself his egg to go with the dinner he prepared.  I continued to washes dishes and kept reminding myself of the quote above.  He didn’t not wash the dishes to annoy me, or because he hated me, or because he just didn’t feel like it.  He didn’t wash them because he forgot.  We all forget, so how can I be mad at a simple mistake.

I took my seat at the dinning table and calmly told him I was a little disappointed that he didn’t do the dishes.  That he would have to do them tomorrow because I wasn’t going to wash a second set tonight.  He said that he felt bad for not doing them.  And I told him it was ok.  I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.

The dishes were washed when I got home today.

Do you see the problem?  I was mad because I wanted something I didn’t get.   But why and where do we draw the line?  I think I should expect certain courtesies from my husband and certainly from my children (if I had any).  But my desires aren’t the same as theirs.

Try it for a few days.  No expectations.  It really does make the day go smoother.  I can hope my patients show up on time, but if I don’t expect it I wont be mad when they are 5 minutes late.  I want to make it to work on time, but I can’t get mad there is traffic if I have no expectations of the roads being wide open.  And when my husband does do the dishes I will be grateful that he has chosen to help with the chores.

No expectations.

What are some things you expect and then get mad at when it doesn’t happen and how would it make your day better to not expect those things?

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P90

After my post last night I had the crazy urge to do Sculpt 1-2 on P90.  This is the first P90 and although tough for me, it is not the insane one they advertise on tv.  I am nowhere near that level.  In fact, Sculpt 1-2 is pretty challenging for me, but it felt great to actually sweat.  This video consists of weight lifting, push ups, squats, and lunges and it is only 28 minutes long.

It has been a year and a half since the last time I did the video and while it was difficult, it was much easier than my first attempt at it.  Thank you yoga for making me strong in a not as sweaty as at the gym kind of way.  Doing it after yoga might not have been the best idea.  My body was shaking during my shower.  I am sure it was due to muscle fatigue, but be careful if you have this same feeling (particularly if you are diabetic) as it can be a sign of low blood sugar.

I am hoping that doing a combination of different types of work outs will aid in my yoga.  They might not make me more flexible, but strength is also important.  Especially because I really Really want to be able to do the crow posture.  I don’t know why I latched on to that balancing pose singularly; maybe it has something to do with a yoga teacher when I was young trying to describe stacking your bones and muscles to hold yourself up in it.  Last night was the first night I was really able to lift off of the ground controlling my muscles.  I did not try to fling my self into the pose as I do so many others.  And it worked.  I could only hold it for 2 seconds.  I think that is a good start.  And I had similar success with it this morning.  I think I will be flying high in no time.

Namaste,

Kelly

P.S.  As soon as I can do it without straining my face ( I think of a wrestler, maybe Macho Man and how he would strain his face until it shook and turned violently red) and can hold it long enough, I will post a picture.  It will be nice to look back and remember where I started.

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